Context:

I was diagnosed with Degenertive Disc Disease in ~2004. My Lowest disc in my back was herniated and I was told that over time I would eventually have trouble with my other discs in my back. It's been a long journey with countless treatments over the years. There were long periods of time with various pain management doctors (mostly unsuccessful) in Los Angeles. I had an artificial disc replacement in early 2015. After an adventurous couple years living in Switzerland we came back to the US and found ourselves in Seattle. It was here that I was referred to the Aims Institute. Following a couple months of intake and evaluation we decided on a regiment of 3 individual ketamine assisted psychotherapy sessions with integration and evaluation for potential group therapy.

At the time of this session in August 2021 I had extreme thoracic back pain. Taking any form of deep breath caused a sharp piercing pain in the center of my back. I could barely lift my left arm because of this pain. For several nights I couldn’t sleep. I had just finished an incredibly challenging project at work and I arrived to this session with all that pain and weight.

The following is the treatment notes from my 3rd solo KAP session.

Injection of 180mg administered to R deltoid at 1118

1120: Discusses dance with death (tattoo on left arm), macabre. Tearful.

(Dr Plays Akal and then Akaal)

1122: I don’t wanna let go. I have so much pain. Sigh.

1123: Restless d/c

1124: Sighs, tears, clutches heart, “Oh yeah,” sighs, lifts left arm

1125: Continues to move, moan slightly, sigh. “I’m gonna lean into it”

1127: “I have to remember to project... oh, here we go” deep exhale. “Oh yeah. Wow. Okay.”

1128: “I’m so in Paris. Oh, cool, nice.” Pause. “I’m starting to settle in.”

1129: Deep exhale. “Oh yeah.”

1130: “Oh, this is why I do this, I’m in a room.” Exhales. “Oh man!”

1131: "Oh wow, oh cool. WHOA." Hands over heart. "Whoa." Deep exhale. "It's like a realization. What am I doing?" Exhale. "Oh, so much experience! What is happening?"

1132: "I see it! Empath?"

1133: "What is happening? What am I seeing? What am I doing?"

1134: Deep exhales, grunting sounds, breathing. "What the hell is happening?" Groans. "I can't describe." Hyperventilates. "I want to die." Pause. "What. Is. Happening?" BAAA. "What is happening right now?"

1135: "I don't know what this is." Hyperventilates. "Should I stay alive?"

1136: "I don't know how to describe what I'm seeing right now." Groans multiple times. "There is a person named Duncan. What is happening right now??? What is happening right now?" Moans. "I don't even understaaand." Sighs, drops arms. "Holy shit."

1137: "I don't even underrrrr..." Groans, nondescript verbal sounds. "Who am I? What is happening? Oh my God. Oh my God." Sounds. "What is happening!?" Raises arms.

1138: "I am some... What do you want from me? Who are you? What is happening?"

1139: "I DON'T UNDERSTAND." Pause. "Oh my Goddddd." Moans. "Oh my God."

1140: Hypreventilates via mouth. Clutches hands at chest.

1141: "Oh my God, what is happening to me?" Pause. "What is happening?" Groans. Hyperventilates. "I don't know how to describe... my world."

1142: "What am I doing? I'm a God." Exhale. "OH MY GOD." Pause. "What the hell happened to me?"

1143: Quiet. Moves hands, mouth, neck.

1144: Hyperventilation from mouth.

1145: Relaxes.

1146: "What the hell?" Sharp inhale.

1150: Removes mask, looks around room.

1150-1156: Crosses arms, intermittent deep breathing.

1156: Groan. Deep breathing.

1157: "Wow." Deep breathing.

1158: "God." Grunts. Exhales. "God, that was wild." Exhales. Moves arms. Exhale. Opens eyes. Groans out. 1202: Crosses arms, deep breathing, leans to right.

1203: "That was fucking wild."

**INTEGRATION** -

**The Dr.**

*1204: "Hey." Hey! How you doing? "That was strange." How's your pain? *(No response.) Deep breathing, sits up, touches legs.

1205: Left hand over heart. Deep breathing.

1210: "Okay."

1211: "You're Julianna. Thank you." Tearful. "I seem to have landed, but..." Exhales.

1212: Hears cell phone ring. Laughs. "Programmed into our consciousness. The marimba."

1220: Becomes tearful during music.

1223: "Thank you."

1228: Becomes tearful during music.

1229: "I think I was audible." Confirms. "It felt official... like business." How so? "I don't know." Pauses. "Felt like AIMS was fulfilling its role, its function."

**The Dr.**

*1232: "Felt invited to do something... Breathing as consciousness regulation... 'Vibratron.'"*

1233: Felt like he was dying, like he was going to cease to exist.

After this session, I went home and mostly rested and spent time with my family. When I woke up the next morning I had virtually no pain in my mid back, where it was so troublesome before.

Of course I struggle every day with pain but the pain hasn’t returned in the same way since that session.